The Memory is Enormous


.
In the dark of the room


I see lights from a police car turning
red      then blue       then

The books on the shelves seem hesitant

.
If I say that I loved you - that it really fucks me up to think about it
and that it ends a season before it begins –

Will someone please turn off the alarms

In the street there is a car and it has run into something and that something is an echo

.
There is that drive to the airport


An image of all that is wrong – spinning in some pocket of time

like a goddamn metaphor for everything and yet – there it is

Life      caught by the grill of an SUV on the highway
murdered like some cow –

I raise the blackjack and think about what body to place under it

.
The dark is carbon paper

The trapped object is a dog – wild or otherwise

The body - is cartwheeling

.
Here is what happened:

            The dog ran across three lanes of highway

            Barely making it

                                    – I almost was the one –


            Breath stopped as it reached the median – I prayed as if I believed in God

                        that it would stop – sit – and be –

 

            Two more lanes – this dog – running like it was on fire


            The grill of the SUV
                        Silver – breaking light the way boats break water

            The dog's body was unhinged

            It – spun like a top – like some trapped
                        perpetually spinning thing – generating nothing

            I know that we made eye contact because I began to scream –

 

There it spins

            – cars slow down to look –

 

A black hole in the middle of the highway

.
And what I'm not talking about is that I was picking you up at the airport

That this is so difficult

That it was some kind of warning – that it was the last time

            I was driving towards you and the lights were flashing
red      then blue       then

Instead of stopping I kept screaming and crying and screaming and I was driving and then I saw you and your eyes and then the moment and the moment in duplicate and then the moment repeating until the end of the universe

.
I was waiting in the dark for the lights to stop so I could go to sleep

So that the books would stop holding their breath

 

So that I know that others aren’t falling into the swirl of gravity

Brantlee Reid